Free Humor Book: Steering Gone Awry

Free 4/16-4/17! Click here for the link to Amazon. Read the book description below:

Tracy Heath recounts some of her most treasured and entertaining stories from her childhood in the Eastern Oregon desert. In this first book of her Country Misadventures series, you will be introduced to a pleasant wasteland where pheasants stroll through the neighborhood, and sagebrush and barbed wire fences are silhouetted in the vibrant, setting sun. 

She tells about being bullied by a steer:
“Since he wasn't a pet we promptly named him 'Reddy.' It had a nice ring to it and had next to nothing to do with the fact that his eyes glowed red.”

And find out what happens when a grade school child gets behind the wheel:
“Well, when all you need is one right foot that knows what it's doing, it's a sure shame to be stuck with a pair of lefties.”

You'll even read about coping with psychotic chickens:
“So we placed an order with the local feed store for 'assorted chicks.'....It wasn't until quite a while later that we learned the true meaning of 'assorted.'” 

You will find the stories intriguing and original. As you chuckle your way through them, these country anecdotes may bring back a few humorous memories from your own childhood.


Sound fun? Click here for your FREE copy of Steering Gone Awry!

Romance Snippet

“So what are you really looking for, Miss Dreamy Eyes?” Essy edged over toward her sister until their elbows touched. A soft wind ruffled the stray hairs around Sal’s face. She was gazing off toward the setting sun on the other side of the corral. The two sisters came here often to watch the day slip into twilight.

Sal tore her eyes away from the silent grandeur of the distant purple mountains and glanced at Essy with a laugh.

“Oh, do you have time for this? I’ve got a list. He’s got to be strong and lean—tough. None of those pansies that are being turned out these days. And he’s got to have some spirit, you know. A little on the wild side is fine with me.”

Essy’s eyebrow cocked and she bit the edge of her lip. “Really? I don’t know if that’s what Pa’s got in mind.”

“Pa? Oh, he won’t care as long as I don’t get hurt. He trusts me.”

“You’re only seventeen, Sal. I think he would care. He’ll always care.”

Sal locked eyes with her sister. “Well, it’s not like I haven’t done this before.”

Essy pulled her arms off the fence rail with a quizzical look. “Done what before? What are you even talking about, Sal?”

Sal brushed her bangs out of her face. “My Angus bull I’m going to buy. What are you talking about?”

Essy gasped and then exploded into laughter. “Cows? I was talking about men!”

Sal sniffed. “Men. Like I’ve got time for them.”

Guess Who?

"I was huddled up on one of the chairs a few rows back from the stage, agonizing over the complexity of my eight second solo. As with any performance, a certain amount of sound testing needed to be done. As I reviewed the music in my head over and over infinitum, I tried to ignore the loud conversation taking place between the drama members up on stage and the sounds techs at the back of the room.

It had been mainly female voices coming from behind me, so my interest was piqued when a definitively male figure advanced up the center aisle to the scattered microphones lining the front of the stage. The man wore a trench coat, an Aussie outback hat, and sleek sunglasses, all of which were black. The little bit of skin that could be seen below the rim of his glasses revealed a sprinkling of freckles. The music stopped in my head. I waited.

He began adjusting the microphone stands and rearranging the monitors with deft hands that obviously had performed these tasks a hundred times before. The whole room was quiet as if we were all waiting for him to ease an FBI badge out of his pocket and pin someone to the ground. He finished his arrangement with a final neat coiling of a microphone cord, and slipped back down the aisle. The world began rotating again."

(Photo credit)

FREE Book Today!

Here's something a little special about today...But first:

Have you ever gone on a fishing trip that went a little south? No fish? Fell in the river? Boat sprung a leak?


Or have you ever tried to fight one of the worst enemies known to mankind--weeds--only to have them get the best of you (your feet, of course)?


Or have you ever tried to train a dog only to throw your hands in the air as the furry missile does its twentieth lap around you?

Pretty much have you ever had an event or task go so wrong that, years down the line, you're able to throw your head back and laugh hysterically at the calamity?

Well, I have! And I wrote a book about it! And what's more, that book is FREE today and tomorrow! (3/21-3/22).

Want your copy of A Proper Fish Story? Simply click here!

Indie Book of the Day Award

I was blessed to find out this morning that Steering Gone Awry was awarded Indie Book of the Day! You can find the posting on Indiebookoftheday.com.

Or you can go directly to Amazon to see Steering Gone Awry for yourself! 

He Nailed It

I'm working on my third book in the Country Misadventures series. I'm just in the baby-stages of figuring out where I'm going with it all. Here's an excerpt from the story I'm currently writing:

'I scooped him up in my arms, trying to avoid brushing the bleeding finger up against anything for both pain and stain sake. I took a step forward before realizing that I also needed to get his wagon home. Hesitating, I thought about just leaving the bulky thing there, but who knew when I’d get a chance to return for it.

With a sigh and a comment of reassurance to Gideon, I shifted him over to my left hip and awkwardly leaned down to grasp the wagon. It was one that was designed for a child, not a five-foot-nine woman like me, so the only way of toting it was under my other arm.

“Okay, home, Honey.”

As I started clumsily jogging toward our house, I glanced over at Gid’s finger. The blood now covered his whole fingertip and threatened to begin dripping off. I gagged. Gid’s weeping had been slowly diminishing, and he now was down to a mere sniffle. He peered at the shredded fingernail.

“Owie?”

“Yes, that’s an owie, Punkin.”

The wobble had gone out of his voice. Now he had switched to his curious conversational tone. “Owie?”

“Yes, that’s a big owie. That red stuff is blood.”

“Bud?”

“Uhuh, blood. Yuck.”

“Bud! Ew, yuck, nathsty!”

I had taught him well.'

(Picture credit: http://auburncinefile.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/disney_boy_with_wagon.186144853.jpg)

Just To Let You Know

Well, I've been a bit burned out lately on writing. Been trying to think where in the world I'm going next. Isn't that an awful confession? I mean, you're never supposed to let your audience know that you've been busy not being busy. But alas, it's the truth, and I'm not too ashamed of it. Just a little. 

But, anyway, all that to say I just plunked down at the computer this morning and let myself know that I had to write something before I turned from an avid author to an avid couch potato. So, this is just to let you know that I indeed am writing:

"It’s the little things in life that you’ve got to watch out for. Like toenails. But let me back up. My life isn’t too unusual. I’m a stay at home mom with a toddler. My husband works wonderfully hard to provide for us, and he usually has a rather gleeful grin on his face when he trudges off to work. I don’t blame him. It can become a madhouse pretty quickly around here, and there are times, say every day about an hour before nap time, that I wish that I, too, could escape to a cubicle.

But those moments of panic and hysteria are fleeting. I sometimes go hours on end without having a single breakdown. This week, for instance, was…well, let’s use last week. Wait, I’ve forgotten last week. Must have blocked it out of my memory. Anyway, I’m sure there are good stretches where I’m the calm, peaceful mother and wife that everyone would admire and pine over. It must be true, or why would I still be doing this?"

(Image: http://www.mysocalledsensorylife.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/couch-potato.png)