Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Free Humor Book: Steering Gone Awry

Free 4/16-4/17! Click here for the link to Amazon. Read the book description below:

Tracy Heath recounts some of her most treasured and entertaining stories from her childhood in the Eastern Oregon desert. In this first book of her Country Misadventures series, you will be introduced to a pleasant wasteland where pheasants stroll through the neighborhood, and sagebrush and barbed wire fences are silhouetted in the vibrant, setting sun. 

She tells about being bullied by a steer:
“Since he wasn't a pet we promptly named him 'Reddy.' It had a nice ring to it and had next to nothing to do with the fact that his eyes glowed red.”

And find out what happens when a grade school child gets behind the wheel:
“Well, when all you need is one right foot that knows what it's doing, it's a sure shame to be stuck with a pair of lefties.”

You'll even read about coping with psychotic chickens:
“So we placed an order with the local feed store for 'assorted chicks.'....It wasn't until quite a while later that we learned the true meaning of 'assorted.'” 

You will find the stories intriguing and original. As you chuckle your way through them, these country anecdotes may bring back a few humorous memories from your own childhood.

Sound fun? Click here for your FREE copy of Steering Gone Awry!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Romance Snippet

“So what are you really looking for, Miss Dreamy Eyes?” Essy edged over toward her sister until their elbows touched. A soft wind ruffled the stray hairs around Sal’s face. She was gazing off toward the setting sun on the other side of the corral. The two sisters came here often to watch the day slip into twilight.

Sal tore her eyes away from the silent grandeur of the distant purple mountains and glanced at Essy with a laugh.

“Oh, do you have time for this? I’ve got a list. He’s got to be strong and lean—tough. None of those pansies that are being turned out these days. And he’s got to have some spirit, you know. A little on the wild side is fine with me.”

Essy’s eyebrow cocked and she bit the edge of her lip. “Really? I don’t know if that’s what Pa’s got in mind.”

“Pa? Oh, he won’t care as long as I don’t get hurt. He trusts me.”

“You’re only seventeen, Sal. I think he would care. He’ll always care.”

Sal locked eyes with her sister. “Well, it’s not like I haven’t done this before.”

Essy pulled her arms off the fence rail with a quizzical look. “Done what before? What are you even talking about, Sal?”

Sal brushed her bangs out of her face. “My Angus bull I’m going to buy. What are you talking about?”

Essy gasped and then exploded into laughter. “Cows? I was talking about men!”

Sal sniffed. “Men. Like I’ve got time for them.”

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Guess Who?

"I was huddled up on one of the chairs a few rows back from the stage, agonizing over the complexity of my eight second solo. As with any performance, a certain amount of sound testing needed to be done. As I reviewed the music in my head over and over infinitum, I tried to ignore the loud conversation taking place between the drama members up on stage and the sounds techs at the back of the room.
It had been mainly female voices coming from behind me, so my interest was piqued when a definitively male figure advanced up the center aisle to the scattered microphones lining the front of the stage. The man wore a trench coat, an Aussie outback hat, and sleek sunglasses, all of which were black. The little bit of skin that could be seen below the rim of his glasses revealed a sprinkling of freckles. The music stopped in my head. I waited.
He began adjusting the microphone stands and rearranging the monitors with deft hands that obviously had performed these tasks a hundred times before. The whole room was quiet as if we were all waiting for him to ease an FBI badge out of his pocket and pin someone to the ground. He finished his arrangement with a final neat coiling of a microphone cord, and slipped back down the aisle. The world began rotating again."

(Photo credit)