Monday, November 18, 2013

Rock This Parenting Thing Book Blitz & Giveaway- 6 Winners in All!

Ever wonder if you are the only one going through crazy stuff when it comes to parenting?

We have 6 authors here who assure you that you are not alone.

Welcome to the Rock This Parenting Thing Book Blitz, showcasing 6 of the hottest humor parenting books from 6 authors who have been there, done that, and gotten the freaking T-shirt wrote the book about it!

This book blitz features 6 authors, tells about them, their books, their blogs, and gives you a taste of their parenting humor with an Author Interview for each. Then, once you get through all of that, you can enter to win a copy of your favorite book listed here! There will be 6 winners in all for the giveaway (many of the prizes are SIGNED copies of the books), so definitely check that out!

Grab a cup of coffee (or glass of wine), sit back and enjoy the Rock This Parenting Thing Book Blitz! Each author is showcasing this post today, so be sure to hit them up and show some love!!

Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids by Morgan Moss, from The Inklings of Life

About the book: Motherhood is chaotic. Some days are filled with unicorns and fairy dust, and some days the unicorn craps on your brand new rug and the fairies are flying around, crashing into walls. Mainstream parenting books help with the unicorn and fairy dust days, but what happens when your kid drops the f-bomb in a crowded grocery store? That's where Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids comes into play, tackling situations in motherhood that you were definitely not warned about. Think of this book as your manual to the parenting problems that leave you throwing your hands up in the air, wondering if you are the only mom who goes through this craziness, and has you hiding in the back of your closet with a bottle of Moscato and a cheesecake (we've all been there).

About Morgan: Morgan is a tattoo artist turned stay-at-home-mom by day, ninja assassin by night, mother of 2, ages 11 and almost 9. She is the creator of The Inklings of Life humor parenting blog which was recently named a Top 10 Mom Blog of 2013 by the parenting website VoiceBoks. Many of her parenting and motherhood articles have been featured on sites such as the Huffington Post, Babble, WhatToExpect.com, Mamapedia, Parent Society and BlogHer.com. She is a trained tattoo artist, and spends her free time creating mixed media art.

Author Interview:
What inspired you to write your book?
My blog readers. When I started blogging, I thought I was just like every other mom out there, and there really wasn't anything special about the way I parented my kids. As comments and emails started coming in from readers, thanking me for my honesty about parenthood, or saying how they would have never thought to handle a situation the way I did, I began to figure out that I thought way differently than most moms. Many readers asked me to compile my thoughts into a book, so I did. I also wanted other moms to know that they weren't alone when their kid shouted out a cuss word in public, or lied to their faces, or banged their head against the wall during a temper tantrum. A lot of moms don't tell about the bad days. I say, Why the hell not? That's when the funny shit happens.

What do you do when you get writer's block?
I cheat off other people's papers. Sometimes it's the news, sometimes it's mainstream parenting sites, and every now and then I'll hit up some of my favorite blogs to read and see what they've been saying lately. I'll spend some time scouring the internet, just seeing what new information is out there, and 9 times out of 10, I catch one sentence that sends my brain into overdrive. That 10th time out of 10, I stare at the wall, shut my computer, get up and walk around, open my computer, shut my computer again, drink a glass of wine or 2 more cups of coffee, stare at the wall, and repeat process until something pops into my head. This is way less effective, by the way.

Will there be more books in your future?
Yep yep. Since my book only covers up to the tween years, I've already had several reviews come in, wanting me to make sure I write a book once I get through the teenage years. Considering that's still a few years down the road, I've had some ideas for other nonfiction parenting books, and my mom has asked me to collaborate on some fiction books with her (she's an author, too). There's no telling where you'll see me pop up next.

You can get your copy of Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Nook, and Createspace. You can keep up with Morgan's craziness over at her blog, The Inklings of Life, and connect with her on facebook and twitter.


Musings of a 20-Something Mom and the Perils of Being a Mommy Blogger by Jenny Schoberl, from Holdin' Holden

About the book: One of the largest trends among Moms today is to jump on the internet and immediately regurgitate all the magical, wonderful things their child has done in the past two hours to the first unsuspecting victim. Moms are everywhere; they've even taken over Blogging. Hundreds of blogs about how Fluffy got his first tooth, or Muffy said a new word. It's enough to make people want to vomit sugar. I've been told that I’m not your typical mom, and my blog is not your typical blog; I've even been called the "Eminem of Mommy Blogging”, honest, blunt, and usually vulgar. This book is my experiences and stories as I ventured through the Mommy Blogging world, trying to make light of some disgusting situations, and it wasn't always pretty. I had to learn the hard way that blatant honesty may not always be the best policy... not if you want to keep your kids. Musings of a 20-something Mom is a lesson on how NOT to blog, unless you want to piss off your friends, family, and get a pack of crazies chasing after you; and a reminder that when it comes to parenting, there's always going to be someone out there saying "you're doing it wrong!"

About Jenny: Jenny Schoberl is a 29 year old professional musician, turned stay-at-home mom, hailing from Southeastern Virginia where she resides with her husband and crazy children. She spends most of her days chugging coffee and trying to keep up with two young sons. Dubbed “The Howard Stern of Mommy Blogging”, Jenny spends her time regaling her readers with stories from throughout her life and writing things that she hopes will one day embarrass her kids.

Author Interview:
What inspired you to write your book?
It was New Year’s Eve and I had never had a resolution before, so in a drunken stupor I said “Hey, I think I should write a book!” Once I’d sobered up, the idea stuck with me. I’d been bullied and judged, all because of how I chose to speak about parenthood, and people didn’t seem to think you could have a sense of humor once you’d dropped a kid from your nethers. I wanted to write something for ANYONE out there who had ever felt judged, alone, or like no one understood that when they said their kid was being a “shithead”, it wasn’t something cruel. It was funny. And true. Plus, every parenting book I’d ever read was totally full of crap.

What’s one piece of parenting advice you’d like to share with parents?
TRUST YOURSELF. There will be so many people out there with a bajillion different parenting styles who will try to cram advice down your throat because they swear to the grilled cheezus it is the “right” way. No one thing works for every single kid, and there is no one right way. Remember that at the end of the day, they are YOURS and no one else’s, you know them better than anyone else, and therefore you will always know what is best for them. Follow your gut; it rarely lies.

Will there be more books in your future?
Absolutely! Book #2 is already finished, and if I could marry an inanimate object, I would walk it down the aisle tomorrow. I also have two more books in the works! It would appear that my brain won’t shut the hell up.

You can pick up your copy of Musings of a 20-Something Mom, and the Perils of Being a Mommy Blogger at Amazon or through Createspace. You can catch up with Jenny's latest shenanigans at her blog, Holdin' Holden, and follow her on facebook and twitter.


Social Mania Mom by Tracy Heath

About the book: Tracy’s a social media nut, and she’s not afraid to admit it. This book is full of zany Facebook posts she’s written over the years, compiled into categories like “Ain’t Got No Maid,” “Toddler Talks,” “Crazy Tracy 101,” and much more. As a housewife and stay-at-home mom, she always has something silly going on that demands documentation.

About Tracy: I may not be super mom, but I’m super good at seeing the funny side of life in the midst of the chaos. I’m a wife, mother of one toddler boy, mediocre housekeeper, lover of Korean dramas, and dedicated author in the wee hours. My life is good.

Author Interview:
What do you do when you get writer’s block?
I mostly wander around bumping into things. Writer’s block seems to affect more than my brain—though that’s severely disturbed, don’t worry. But the rest of my body suffers, too, until a wild hare of inspiration attacks, and I leap and bang my way across the house for a session with my faithful, duct-taped-together laptop.

What’s one piece of parenting advice you’d like to share with parents?
Everything you’ve ever heard about parenting has been contradicted by someone or other, so when it comes to you parenting your own children, go with your heart. Your love (and your tough love) is what matters most.

Will there be more books in your future?
Oh, yes. The writing bug bit me good. I have a romance that will be released by the end of the year, and more humor books are sure to come because life just won’t stop being funny.

You can get your copy of Tracy's ebook, Social Mania Mom, through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Kobo. Get updates from her by checking out her website, Tracy Heath Publications, and by following her on facebook and twitter.



Kids, Cuddles and Caffeine by Edmund Farrow, from Dad's Dinner

About the Book: Ever wondered what being a stay-at-home dad is really like? Well, the hours are long, the holidays are rubbish, the pay's a joke and there's heavy exposure to toxic biological waste. On the plus side, there's daily fresh air and exercise, a steady supply of hugs, relatively little stress, strong job satisfaction and an army of amusing minions. You also get to play Hungry Hippos and call it work. Mixing parenting advice and humour, Kids, Cuddles & Caffeine tells the story of one housedad's struggle to remain chirpy in a world full of sleep-deprived women and toddlers with toilet issues. Anyone who's ever looked after small children will find plenty to chuckle about.

About Edmund: People meeting Edmund Farrow for the first time tend to think of him as tall, quiet and generally harmless. Then they learn he's a housedad, has a physics degree and is a lay preacher in the Church of Scotland. One way or another, this usually makes them afraid... Edmund has been a full-time cook, butler, cleaner, playmate and personal assistant to his three children since they were babies. When it comes time for them to choose a nursing home for him, they'd better pick a nice one or there'll be trouble.

Author Interview:
What inspired you to write the book?
The original idea was to encourage other housedads. There aren't that many of us in the UK, which can lead to isolation. It turns out, though, that just about everyone with kids needs a little encouragement from time to time. Being a parent isn't difficult but it can be hard. Whether you're employed, at home, a mum or dad, you're sure to find some reassurance in Kids, Cuddles & Caffeine (and quite a few laughs).

What's the one piece of parenting advice you'd like to share with parents?
Every child is different. Just because a parenting strategy worked for your neighbour or your mother-in-law or for Angelina Jolie there's no saying it will work for you. Don't feel bad - try something else instead. (Unfortunate flip side: Just because a strategy worked on your first child, that doesn't mean it will work on your second. Believe me, I know.)

What has been your funniest parenting moment so far?
When my daughter was two, she filled her underpants with loose change and then couldn't figure out what to do next. She wandered around the house, looking forlorn... and clinking quietly to herself.

Get your copy of Kids, Cuddles and Caffeine at Amazon and on the Amazon Kindle. You can keep up with our UK stay-at-home-dad over at his blog, Dad's Dinner, and on facebook and twitter.



Baby Bumps by Amy Sprenger, from Snarky Mommy

About the book: Wearing her highest heels and hottest pregnancy jeans, Amy Sprenger marches into her doctor’s office, latte in hand, ready to finally see whether her baby is a boy or a girl. When the doctor instead tells her she has an incompetent cervix, Amy does what any woman would do. She becomes immediately offended. Is this just a politically correct way of saying her cervix sucks? Unfortunately, as she’s soon to learn, it’s a lot more than that. The only way to keep that baby from falling out on the sidewalk is for her doctor to stitch her cervix closed and for Amy to stay in bed for the next four months. Living by the adage that laughter is the best medicine, Amy fumbles her way through a series of sometimes serious and usually embarrassing situations. And just to be clear, using a bedpan qualifies as both serious and embarrassing.

About Amy: Amy Sprenger is the author of the award-winning blog, SnarkyMommy.com, where she tells it like it is and isn't afraid to make fun of herself or her questionable parenting prowess. She has three kids under eight and a penchant for getting herself into ridiculous situations. A former news and sports reporter, Amy lives with her husband and children in Chicago's Lincoln Park neighborhood where she silently judges all the other parents.

Author Interview:
What’s one piece of parenting advice you’d like to share with parents?
Ignore the “experts.” No, seriously. Parents-to-be do an insane amount of preparation reading and talking and researching for the coming of the baby and then it pops out and they’re all, “What?! The?! Hell?! Is?! This?!” If an “expert” tells you to do something, your baby will immediately sense this and will thwart any attempt you make to follow directions. If the doctor says let him sleep through the night, the baby will wake every thirty minutes like clockwork; if the lactation consultant says to wake him to eat every two hours, he will sleep eight-hour stretches and refuse to open his mouth to nurse. This tiny dictator knows reverse psychology at the ripe old age of one week and will use it to handily defeat you. My best advice is to follow your gut, not whatever the “experts” say. Unless it’s my advice, of course, because I know everything.

What’s the worst piece of parenting advice you ever received?
“Sleep when the baby sleeps.” No no no no nooooo. When the baby is sleeping, that’s when you take a shower, shove food in your piehole, start a load of laundry, check your e-mail, peruse Facebook, scroll through your Twitter feed, contemplate whether the baby-vomit stain on your shirt can be ignored, and pee in peace and quiet with the door closed BY YOURSELF. Unless you already have another child at home, in which case you will narcoleptically fall asleep the second your newborn’s eyes close, only to wake up in a puddle of drool on the couch cushion and your two- year-old throwing books at your head while yelling, “Mommy! Wake! Read!”

Will there be more books in your future? 
My second book, Over My Dead Potty, was released this fall. A short collection of humorous essays about potty training, it’s meant to be read in the amount of time any parent has to read for fun, which is to say, in three-minute bursts while you hide in the bedroom from the restless natives who have taken over your living room. I am also finishing up my second full-length book, which is called Yes Mommy. I didn’t say no to my kids for a month and chronicled the experience. Not giving anything away, but I’m still clearly alive, so you know it didn’t actually kill me. It just felt that way most days.

You can pick up your copy of Baby Bumps at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Smashwords and iTunes. You can keep up with Amy at her blog, Snarky Mommy, and on facebook and twitter.


Sharing Moms Madhouse  by Sharon Ruggieri, from Sharon Moms Madhouse

About the book: Sharing Moms Madhouse is a humorous look at my daily life with a husband, six kids, a dog, a cat and how we rarely take anything very seriously around here. There's something funny always happening since none of my children were born mute or shy. I don't always handle every situation correctly, but they get handled. Oh, and most of the stories are sprinkles of the truth since we all know that socks can't talk back and the walls don't really cry.

About Sharon: I’m a married mom of six. Five boys & one girl. In that order…and no, we weren’t trying for the girl. After two years of posting my children’s antics on facebook, I started blogging because my friends told me I should write a book about the, why make money off a book when you can blog for free, I always ask. I fired the lawyer and put the therapist on permanent retainer. We have a perpetual clogged toilet and a cat who likes to pee on the beds. Anyone is welcome to stop by for coffee anytime between the hours of when I'm awake to when I'm not.

Author Interview:
What inspired you to write your book? Is it bad if I say money? Truthfully, after spending two years blogging I realized that because I had always had a desire to write a book, writing a book about my family would be a first start.

What’s one piece of parenting advice you’d like to share with parents?
Everything you do makes a memory. If you can't find the humor in something, at least try to remember that whatever you say or do can and will make an impression on your children that may last forever.

Will there be more books in your future? I'm currently working on my second book. I'm in the rough draft phase now and this will be a complete departure from my blog or from my first book, however, I have every intention of making sure that books three and four stay true to the Madhouse blog. I have been and always will be a writer of all things humor.

You can grab your copy of Sharing Moms Madhouse at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Lulu. You can catch up with Sharon at her blog, Sharon Moms Madhouse, on facebook, and on twitter.


Okay, everyone, now's the huge giveaway you've been waiting for! Each author above has contributed one copy of their book to this giveaway! There will be 6 winners in all! The first winner randomly chosen will have the first choice of 1 of the 6 books listed here. Once they have chosen their book, we will randomly draw a 2nd winner, who will have a choice of the 5 remaining books. 3rd winner will have choice of the 4 remaining books, and so on, until 1 book from each author has been given away!

There are multiple ways to enter, and daily entries, so be sure to come back or visit the other authors' blogs!

Giveaway is for 6 books in all, with 6 winners, each winner receiving 1 book from 1 author. Included are:

~1 Signed Paperback copy of Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids by Morgan Moss
~1 Signed Paperback copy of Musings of a 20-Something Mom and the Perils of Being a Mommy Blogger by Jenny Schoberl
~1 Ebook copy of Social Mania Mom by Tracy Heath
~1 Paperback copy of Kids, Cuddles and Caffeine by Edmund Farrow
~1 Signed Paperback copy of Baby Bumps by Amy Sprenger
~1 Paperback OR Ebook copy of Sharing Moms Madhouse by Sharon Ruggieri

Good luck!!

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Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Where Have I Been?

Where have I been? I don't know. Here and there, I suppose. :) But, no. Really, I've been writing lots and just not blogging about it! I have so much in the works right now, but I'll save some for another post.

So the announcement for today is that, a few weeks ago, I published another humor book--Social Mania Mom! It's a collection of one-liners from my Facebook pages. Any mom should be able to relate and get a hoot out of the jokes since they all center around my stay-at-home-mom life.

Here are a couple of select lines for your enjoyment:

"I ponder why I always have holes in my socks as I sprint out to the trashcan in my newest pair. This shall always remain a mystery to me."

********

"Sam is standing at the sink gargling salt. Little Buster, always the imitator, is standing beside him gargling his banana."



It is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and Kobo!



Monday, July 8, 2013

Updated Books!

I forgot to share that I've updated my two Country Misadventures books! They have new covers and titles. Check them out! Click on the links to go to the Amazon page and read the descriptions.





Tuesday, June 18, 2013

It Was On Their Laps

I didn't get to celebrate either Mother's Day or Father's Day with my parents this year. Both holidays followed big events for me, and I came away rather under the weather. So, I've decided to dedicate a blog post to the two of them, in honor of one of the greatest gifts they gave to my brothers and me.

My parents are both scholars. There aren't many others that I've met that are as eager to learn as they are. Mom ended her brick-and-mortar based learning in her twenties and started a family, but she continued on her path of absorbing knowledge by becoming a teacher to all four of her children, a tutor to many others, and, most recently, a painter.

Dad continued his education into his thirties, but his pursuit of understanding didn't stop there. His whole business is about uncovering new layers of wisdom to solve the maladies of mankind. Each day is dedicated to learning something new.

Something my parents incorporated into their children is the love of learning, and most of all, the love of reading. My brothers and I would spend hours every day reading--Charles Dickens, Nathaniel Hawthorne, C.S. Lewis--a whole variety. But I think we'd all agree that our favorite times where when one of our parents would read out loud to us.

During the school year, every day after lunch, Mom would read for an hour (or two if we begged hard enough). We worked our way through Great Expectations, the Lord of the Rings series, all of Ralph Moody's books, and many others. Those hours spent lounging around all together in our living room are some of my most treasured childhood memories--Mom's voice growing raspy from reading longer than she really was able to, but just to please her voracious audience.

And then there were the evening reading times with Dad. They didn't happen as frequently, but they made up for the sparsity by the amount of laughter they caused. Dad always read the funny books--the ones you could read for an hour and feel exhausted afterwards. He read selections from James Herriot and Patrick McManus, generally. What I remember most is not the actual stories, but rather Dad seeing a funny line coming up and laughing until he choked. We'd laugh along with him with no clue of what we were laughing at. It would usually take him a minute of wheezing and snorting and thigh-slapping before we even knew what the punchline was, but we didn't care. We'd just laugh all the harder once we actually heard it.

I thank my parents for the truly beautiful memories I have from my childhood. They inspire me to do the same for my child--read until the tears of sorrow and laughter flow. There the best of memories are formed.





Thursday, May 30, 2013

Historical Fiction Excerpt Two

"That evening, Sal said goodbye to Mrs. Beatle and Ralphy at the Denver station. She was thankful for the kind, travelling companion and the little boy who had worked his way into her heart. Mrs. Beatle gave her many admonitions about staying clear of strangers—especially bad-looking men—and the supper roast, which she was sure had gone sour. After a few hugs and a little snuggle from Ralphy, Sal sent them off with a wave and a blown kiss for the boy.
Back at home, she had been used to goodbyes—a small kiss on Pa’s cheek in the morning and a flutter of the hand to Ma as she headed out once more to work wonders in the community. But those farewells were always given with the knowledge that they would come home again. Maybe it would be later into the night than she would have hoped for, but they were there, and she felt security in knowing that.
With a lump in her throat, Sal realized that goodbyes took on a whole new meaning now. She hadn’t even said goodbye to Pa or Ma—hadn’t been given a chance to. Her heart constricted and one tear, then another, coursed down her face. Her hand still waved even though Mrs. Beatle and Ralphy had turned a corner out of her sight long ago.
'Sal?'
Jerking around quickly while hastily wiping her tears, Sal saw Ella leaning on her crutches with the fading sunset behind glistening on her black hair. A gentle breeze swayed her violet, calf-length dress.
'Sal, will you sit by me now?'
For just a moment, Sal felt a flash of anger at the girl for not noticing the pain she was in after parting with her friends. But when she perceived the drawn look on the child’s face, she put her own feelings behind her and pasted a smile on.

'Yes, of course. We have to stick together now…now that I’m alone.' There was a little catch in her voice, but she crossed to where Ella was standing and placed a hand on her shoulder. 'We’ll make the rest of the journey pass in no time. You just wait and see.'"

Friday, May 17, 2013

Historical Fiction Book Excerpt One


Excerpt from my historical fiction work-in-progress:


"As night fell, Sal found that she was tired. She almost could have slept sitting up, but the seats converted nicely into bunks. Two African-American porters moved through the car, making up the sleeping berths. Mrs. Beatle wisely chose to sleep on the bottom with Ralphy, and Sal clambered up to the top bunk. As she did so, the bag of sandwiches slipped off the bed and fell into the aisle. Before Sal could descend to get them, the wiry man hopped off the lower bunk across the aisle and scooped it up, handing the bag up to her.
'Thank you, sir. I’m so tired I’m getting clumsy.'
'No problem, ma’am. Have a good night.'
Sal was struck by his voice. For such a little man, he had a deep, rich voice. It reminded her of the two times she had been to an opera, and the beautiful voices she had heard there. With another courteous tip of his hat, the man, broad smile, bulbous nose and all, disappeared behind the curtain across the aisle.
Sal had never liked heights, and the combination of the elevation and the movement of the train caused her to feel a little unsteady, but she bravely pulled the curtain across and dressed for bed. Below, she could hear Mrs. Beatle humming a ditty to her son, more off key than on, but pleasant nonetheless. Parts of the song sounded familiar, and Sal wondered if her own mother had sung that to her many years ago.
After she completed her toiletries for the night, Sal poked her head around the edge of the curtain and whispered, 'Is he asleep?'
'Yes, I guess all the excitement wore the little tyke out. You can come down and kiss him if you like.'
Sal pulled the curtain back and swung her bare feet over the edge of her bed, preparing to jump down. As she looked around in the semi-darkness of the car, she saw the tall, big-eyed man staring her direction. He was coming from the rear of the car, probably from the lavatory. As their eyes met, he paused in the aisle. Sal felt a tingle course through her body. After a few seconds, the man sat down on an unoccupied bunk and began digging through the bag he had with him. Sal exhaled heavily, realizing she had been holding her breath.
'Are you coming down?' Mrs. Beatle sounded tired herself and a little impatient that Sal had kept her waiting.
'No, that’s okay. I don’t want to wake him. Goodnight.'
Sal eased her feet back up in her bed. For a long minute she stared out in the deepening darkness, watching for any movement. All the passengers seemed to be asleep or at least quiet. Finally, she pulled the curtain closed. After a few minutes she was able to close her eyes and fall asleep, but not before she dug the envelope out of her coat pocket and tucked it deep in the sleeve of her nightgown."

Switching Gears to Historical Fiction

I have loved the time I've spent on humorous writings, and I haven't stopped altogether. But I had inspiration to start a new venture about a month ago, and I am a good way into my first historical fiction series! And I've got to say that I'm loving it.

In my next post I will be sharing an excerpt from Book I in the series, so be sure to come on back and check it out!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Free Humor Book: Steering Gone Awry


Free 4/16-4/17! Click here for the link to Amazon. Read the book description below:

Tracy Heath recounts some of her most treasured and entertaining stories from her childhood in the Eastern Oregon desert. In this first book of her Country Misadventures series, you will be introduced to a pleasant wasteland where pheasants stroll through the neighborhood, and sagebrush and barbed wire fences are silhouetted in the vibrant, setting sun. 


She tells about being bullied by a steer:
“Since he wasn't a pet we promptly named him 'Reddy.' It had a nice ring to it and had next to nothing to do with the fact that his eyes glowed red.”

And find out what happens when a grade school child gets behind the wheel:
“Well, when all you need is one right foot that knows what it's doing, it's a sure shame to be stuck with a pair of lefties.”

You'll even read about coping with psychotic chickens:
“So we placed an order with the local feed store for 'assorted chicks.'....It wasn't until quite a while later that we learned the true meaning of 'assorted.'” 

You will find the stories intriguing and original. As you chuckle your way through them, these country anecdotes may bring back a few humorous memories from your own childhood.


Sound fun? Click here for your FREE copy of Steering Gone Awry!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Romance Snippet


“So what are you really looking for, Miss Dreamy Eyes?” Essy edged over toward her sister until their elbows touched. A soft wind ruffled the stray hairs around Sal’s face. She was gazing off toward the setting sun on the other side of the corral. The two sisters came here often to watch the day slip into twilight.

Sal tore her eyes away from the silent grandeur of the distant purple mountains and glanced at Essy with a laugh.

“Oh, do you have time for this? I’ve got a list. He’s got to be strong and lean—tough. None of those pansies that are being turned out these days. And he’s got to have some spirit, you know. A little on the wild side is fine with me.”

Essy’s eyebrow cocked and she bit the edge of her lip. “Really? I don’t know if that’s what Pa’s got in mind.”

“Pa? Oh, he won’t care as long as I don’t get hurt. He trusts me.”

“You’re only seventeen, Sal. I think he would care. He’ll always care.”

Sal locked eyes with her sister. “Well, it’s not like I haven’t done this before.”

Essy pulled her arms off the fence rail with a quizzical look. “Done what before? What are you even talking about, Sal?”

Sal brushed her bangs out of her face. “My Angus bull I’m going to buy. What are you talking about?”

Essy gasped and then exploded into laughter. “Cows? I was talking about men!”

Sal sniffed. “Men. Like I’ve got time for them.”

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Guess Who?


"I was huddled up on one of the chairs a few rows back from the stage, agonizing over the complexity of my eight second solo. As with any performance, a certain amount of sound testing needed to be done. As I reviewed the music in my head over and over infinitum, I tried to ignore the loud conversation taking place between the drama members up on stage and the sounds techs at the back of the room.
It had been mainly female voices coming from behind me, so my interest was piqued when a definitively male figure advanced up the center aisle to the scattered microphones lining the front of the stage. The man wore a trench coat, an Aussie outback hat, and sleek sunglasses, all of which were black. The little bit of skin that could be seen below the rim of his glasses revealed a sprinkling of freckles. The music stopped in my head. I waited.
He began adjusting the microphone stands and rearranging the monitors with deft hands that obviously had performed these tasks a hundred times before. The whole room was quiet as if we were all waiting for him to ease an FBI badge out of his pocket and pin someone to the ground. He finished his arrangement with a final neat coiling of a microphone cord, and slipped back down the aisle. The world began rotating again."

(Photo credit)

Thursday, March 21, 2013

FREE Book Today!

Here's something a little special about today...But first:

Have you ever gone on a fishing trip that went a little south? No fish? Fell in the river? Boat sprung a leak?


Or have you ever tried to fight one of the worst enemies known to mankind--weeds--only to have them get the best of you (your feet, of course)?


Or have you ever tried to train a dog only to throw your hands in the air as the furry missile does its twentieth lap around you?

Pretty much have you ever had an event or task go so wrong that, years down the line, you're able to throw your head back and laugh hysterically at the calamity?

Well, I have! And I wrote a book about it! And what's more, that book is FREE today and tomorrow! (3/21-3/22).

Want your copy of A Proper Fish Story? Simply click here!


Monday, March 18, 2013

Indie Book of the Day Award



I was blessed to find out this morning that Steering Gone Awry was awarded Indie Book of the Day! You can find the posting on Indiebookoftheday.com.

Or you can go directly to Amazon to see Steering Gone Awry for yourself! 

Sunday, March 17, 2013

He Nailed It


I'm working on my third book in the Country Misadventures series. I'm just in the baby-stages of figuring out where I'm going with it all. Here's an excerpt from the story I'm currently writing:

'I scooped him up in my arms, trying to avoid brushing the bleeding finger up against anything for both pain and stain sake. I took a step forward before realizing that I also needed to get his wagon home. Hesitating, I thought about just leaving the bulky thing there, but who knew when I’d get a chance to return for it.

With a sigh and a comment of reassurance to Gideon, I shifted him over to my left hip and awkwardly leaned down to grasp the wagon. It was one that was designed for a child, not a five-foot-nine woman like me, so the only way of toting it was under my other arm.

“Okay, home, Honey.”

As I started clumsily jogging toward our house, I glanced over at Gid’s finger. The blood now covered his whole fingertip and threatened to begin dripping off. I gagged. Gid’s weeping had been slowly diminishing, and he now was down to a mere sniffle. He peered at the shredded fingernail.

“Owie?”

“Yes, that’s an owie, Punkin.”

The wobble had gone out of his voice. Now he had switched to his curious conversational tone. “Owie?”

“Yes, that’s a big owie. That red stuff is blood.”

“Bud?”

“Uhuh, blood. Yuck.”

“Bud! Ew, yuck, nathsty!”

I had taught him well.'


(Picture credit: http://auburncinefile.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/disney_boy_with_wagon.186144853.jpg)

Friday, March 1, 2013

Just To Let You Know


Well, I've been a bit burned out lately on writing. Been trying to think where in the world I'm going next. Isn't that an awful confession? I mean, you're never supposed to let your audience know that you've been busy not being busy. But alas, it's the truth, and I'm not too ashamed of it. Just a little. 

But, anyway, all that to say I just plunked down at the computer this morning and let myself know that I had to write something before I turned from an avid author to an avid couch potato. So, this is just to let you know that I indeed am writing:

"It’s the little things in life that you’ve got to watch out for. Like toenails. But let me back up. My life isn’t too unusual. I’m a stay at home mom with a toddler. My husband works wonderfully hard to provide for us, and he usually has a rather gleeful grin on his face when he trudges off to work. I don’t blame him. It can become a madhouse pretty quickly around here, and there are times, say every day about an hour before nap time, that I wish that I, too, could escape to a cubicle.

But those moments of panic and hysteria are fleeting. I sometimes go hours on end without having a single breakdown. This week, for instance, was…well, let’s use last week. Wait, I’ve forgotten last week. Must have blocked it out of my memory. Anyway, I’m sure there are good stretches where I’m the calm, peaceful mother and wife that everyone would admire and pine over. It must be true, or why would I still be doing this?"


(Image: http://www.mysocalledsensorylife.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/couch-potato.png)


Saturday, February 23, 2013

Amazon Gift Card Giveaway

Starting on Monday, 2/25/2013, I am giving away a $5 Amazon gift card! Go to my Facebook page to enter to win!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Free Book Today!




There's something else special about today....

Steering Gone Awry is FREE!! Don't miss your chance! It's sitting at #181 overall in Amazon's free category. Yeah, doing rather well. :)

So, if you haven't grabbed your copy yet, here's the link!

What's New

I've been rather absent from my blog because I've been slaving away on projects! And here are two of them:

My second book A Proper Fish Story, which was formerly titled A Redneck Romance, is now available on Amazon in its new format! The new version no longer contains the chapter A Redneck Romance and has new material in its stead.

I partnered with a talented watercolorist for the cover. Isn't it fun?!



AND I also published a version of my two books combined!


So if you haven't read either of my books, this is a great way to get them both at a reduced price! Just follow this link to get your copy of Country Misadventures!



Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Changes in the Series Vlog


I've been talking on my Facebook page about making some changes to my book A Redneck Romance. Well, those changes are about to take place this coming weekend, and this video tells you why! 

Friday, February 8, 2013

From Terrors of the East


Here's a small excerpt of the story I will be adding in to my second book. The revamped book (A Redneck Romance) will be available for sale on the 21st of February. And for those who have the book already, the updated version will be dowloadable shortly after!

The excerpt from the new chapter, Terrors of the East:

"Now where we lived, a good half an hour away from anything resembling civilized civilization, we were hard pressed to find any sort of employment. There was no paper route to be had, and immigrants from Mexico took up most of the farmhand jobs available.

I became a piano instructor when I was fourteen. I think this occupation is closely assimilated with that of a librarian. The people around me sighed and shook their heads, knowing I was sentenced to old-maiddom. I proved them wrong six years later, but the odds were against me.


However, my older brothers couldn’t consider piano teaching as a profession for two reasons: there’s nothing worse than men choosing an old maid’s line of work, and they also didn’t know how to play the instrument. So, in our area of the world, there was only one possibility left—goatheads."


(http://healthyhomegardening.com/Plant.php?pid=652)

Monday, January 14, 2013

First Author Interview!

I branched out and did my first author interview! It went live this morning, so if you're curious for behind-the-scenes info on me and the writing of A Redneck Romance, here it is!

http://www.cliveeaton.com/tracyheath.html

In other news, I have now started writing the third book in the Country Misadventures series. So if you have read the first two, have no fear. More is coming! If you are interested in finding out what this series is all about, you can find my Amazon author page here!

I hope your January 2013 is starting off well!

Friday, January 4, 2013

Both a Face Lift and FREE!

Notice who got a bit of an update! Not me--my book! This book got a little face lift just in time for its free promotion today. Yes, that's right! Steering Gone Awry is FREE today and today only!

If you need a little pick me up after all the holiday rush-about, pick up your copy of this lighthearted, humorous book. It's a quick, one-sitting read with five short stories about comical country life.

So click here to get your free copy today!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Ol' Shady


The hills themselves couldn’t repress the thunderings of the approaching jalopy. And jalopy it was as there was no other term that could suit the vehicle properly, unless it was dump truck—the sort of truck you construct at the dump.

Chad rested his head on his hands which were folded sloppily over the business end of his rifle. Sighing, he peered over at Bert. “No one’s gonna get any huntin’ done anywhere near these parts today. Ol’ Shady’s on the prowl.”

Bert descended branch by branch from where he’d been perched in his deer stand. “Might as well pack it up, though from the sounds of it he’s still a mile er more off. Blasted catfish! I was lookin’ forward to venison steak!”

By the time the two disgruntled men had taken down the stand, the reverberating engine coughs were so deafening that they knew Ol’ Shady and his mode of transportation were within a quarter mile.

Bert shouted. “That must be him comin’ from the left. I see a cloud of dust.”

Chad seemed to ignore the comment but more likely he just couldn’t hear it. He was scanning the tangled underbrush and trees. Pointing, he hollered. “Here he comes! Look out! He’s smokin’!”

Chad’s comment had nothing to do with Shady’s personal figure or the pipe perpetually glued to the right side of his mouth. Instead, he was referring to state of the jalopy, or what they assumed was the jalopy since they couldn’t see it for the haze of smoke.